dating in my 40's

dating as a full-grown adult is complicated.

the thing is that 40- somethings, for the most part, are fully formed.  if we are neurotically neat, that is going to come through. if we are happy, we shine.  if we are controlling-- yup, everyone is going to know about it.  if we are pack rats-- there is going to be a lot of stuff by this point.  if we are addicted to any substance-- that will have developed to a point that it is going to be a lot harder for it not to seriously affect our relationships.  if we have any real insecurities, that is going to show as well.  if we are confident and comfortable in our lives-- by this point that is going to be a major part of who we are, and that can be either really attractive, or kind of intimidating.  all the things that may affect how things work in our connections with other people are present and much more solid and visible than when we were in our twenties.

in some ways this is a good thing-- we can much more quickly see what is going to work for us and what isn't.  at the same time it can be much more difficult to see someone who feels like they fit--  and much easier for us to decide to stick to being on our own.

but every now and then there is someone who is just plain good to be around-- and that is nice.


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