dating as sociological study



i find dating at this age to be a sort of sociological study into how we live. by the time we are in our forties adults in the united states, anyway, are pretty set in our home keeping ways. we have our little routines that work for us, our places that we keep things, our ways of keeping track of our lives. some of us wash the dishes after every meal, some of us only wash the dishes when we need a clean dish. some of us have carefully labeled linen closets, organized down to the last shelf, while some of us have whole rooms that are piled high with papers, clothing, food-- to which we often keep the doors closed. some of us have pets that mean that our homes smell of animal, while some of us wouldn't allow an animal into our homes. some of us make our beds every day, while some of us never do. some of us vacuum for company, some of us vacuum every day-- no matter what, some of us never vacuum at all.

the problem comes when we attach judgment and value to these home keeping tendencies-- the guy who washes dishes only when he needs a clean dish thinks that women aren't going to like him for being such a slob-- for example. it is true-- if we are thinking about moving in together we are going to have to have conversations about how we each live and how we want to keep a home we live in together-- but there really isn't inherent right or wrong in home keeping.

more to come...

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